Cards on the table
Funny feeling that I haven’t done a daily spread the last days, since my new book (in Swedish) Tarot, cards on the table, arrived from the printer. It has been a lot of other stuff; I got caught in trying to change the style of my homepages (I don’t dare to touch this one yet). I have been like The Tower upside down, to the left and the right, I got stuck since it didn’t work as I expected. But I have also been in the card 7 of Pentacles; it was time to do the spring cleaning outdoors, cut some trees and bushes, rake and make it look nice. Actually, I have done some good things, but the days have gone too quickly.
Nowadays I don’t care, but if it had been a year ago maybe, or probably I would have been a little sad (5 of Cups), felt powerless (8 of Swords) and frustrated (5 of Wands), now its more the feeling of yeah yeah, okay, dare to care (2 of Swords).
It's like an aperitif for the week to come. It’s the last day for booking readings, from Monday I will only do readings for members of my sites and customers that have ordered before. I think that the fear that I felt from 8 of Cups has been overwhelming, and the fear of not making money. But after years of feeling that it has been stressing its no longer anything I ponder about. I don’t know that I will not get any new customers, instead time to take care of them I’m already connected to.
Sometimes it’s easy to move focus, the most important people in my life should be them that already are in it. That’s the way it has become in all the stress of not being enough. Like taking care of mail conversations (8 of Wands reversed that I also got stuck in), I haven’t had the time or engagement to answer them that already means something for me. I got a lot of mail from people that want a reading for free. Now I can just copy and paste and sort them out. I think that I have had a subconscious thought that if I answer politely maybe the will order someday. Ridiculous, but it also includes that I haven’t noticed myself how incredibly good I am at reading the cards.
Now its other times coming, like The Star, The Moon, and The Sun, for I have already had my awakening in Judgement, it actually feels like The whole World is mine. But like anything else, it's all as it is in all phases. I had to work my way to and through The Tower.
Back in the days when I was young, in the energy of The Magician I released that I wasn’t like anybody else. 😉 That developed to The High Priestess to explore both black and white, the negative and the positive aspects. The I became a woman, a mother in The Empress, learned to stand on my own feet in The Emperor, developed in the energy of The Pope. Finally released that I love myself in The Lovers, started to take responsibility, and not blaming others in The Chariot. The I fund my capacity in Strenght, and then it just a downhill the last years, I was aware that I didn’t take care of my body with The Hermit, got shallow and spontaneous in The Wheel of Fortune, to decide in Justice, take a high jump over The Hanged Man real quick since I been playing around in that energy before Strenght to then change in to Death, find myself in Temperance, become self-fixated and wellbeing in The Devil to now be in the last fall of The Tower.
It feels like a relief, like all the Aces together in my decision, I'm also more ambitious (2 of Wands), more balanced (2 of Pentacles), cooler (2 of Swords). More spontaneous , eager (3 of wands), high over heels in love in all aspects of life (3 of Cups), I plan and develop towards (3 of Pentacles), to create a happy standing (4 of Wands) with more structure (4 of Pentacles), the stress isn’t something I’m going to affect me (all the Fives), feeling victory (6 of Wands) from my limits, goal orientated (7 of Swords), in some re-constructing (8 of Pentacles) to reach the inner harmony (9 of Cups) without tear myself apart (9 of Wands reversed) to reach togetherness and harmony (10 of Pentacles and Cups).
I may have missed some cards, but they don’t feel like they should pay any attention in my life, the fact is that only one card can tell it all, if I get them all together, I am in The Sun.
Have you ever giving it a thought what cards that are present in your life?
Back to the book, Tarot, cards on the table (it will be translated), I haven’t opened my own book yet, just browsed through it quickly, I know I will get stuck, funny that I love this book so much. But its only one book in that way, it’s unique in its (my) way to express what Tarot is all about.
Now I will open a new (old) book that will be printed next; the goal is to get all my books (again) out in the market, this is a weekend when I’m home, enjoying pottering with my stuff.